i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
