Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Where were you when I was single???

(1-617): View more from Massachusetts

Still in diapers.

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(847): View more from Illinois

You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.

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(631): View more from New York

My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body

(508): View more from Massachusetts

how many servings is brandon's dick?

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(602): View more from Arizona

shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry

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(714): View more from California

Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.

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(510): View more from California

I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition

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(904): View more from Florida

I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie

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