Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
