Cold hands, warm shart.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
