and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
