i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
