those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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