He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
