You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
