She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
