i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
