I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize