OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
