So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
