Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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