Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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