EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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