I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
