you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
