so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize