I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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