You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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