Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
