i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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