This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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