I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
