id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
