just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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