watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
