Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize