he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
