Umm I'm too high to move.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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