A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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