Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
