I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
