im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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