She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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