somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize