drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
God gave him joint rollers for hands
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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