Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
