oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My ass is underappreciated
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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