There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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