So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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