the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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