So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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