I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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