the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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