"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
