Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
