Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
