It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
