oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
