You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
