She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
