Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
