i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
