i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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