he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
