Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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