oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
