at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
