I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
