After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
