her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
