I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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