I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
