It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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