Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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