he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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