He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
