And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
