I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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