i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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