Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He better not be in your backpack
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
