I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
