Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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