He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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