I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
