i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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