she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
