Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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