Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
