youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
