So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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