I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There's always time for handjobs
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
