Kiss
Puke
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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