i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
