This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
