Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
