We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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