Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
