Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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