I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
