Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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