so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
