Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
