I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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