a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
