What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Screwed.edu
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
