I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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