Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I won the penis lottery.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
